Relational Trauma: Understanding Your Wounds and Reclaiming Connection to Self and Others

Some wounds leave no visible trace.

No bruises, no scars. Yet they live deep within us.

These are wounds of connection — wounds born inside important relationships, sometimes in early childhood, sometimes later in life.

This is what we call relational trauma.

What is relational trauma?

Relational trauma is a wound that emerges within the context of a meaningful relationship.

It occurs when an experience is too intense or too painful to be processed or contained at the time it happens.

It’s not so much the event itself that causes trauma, but rather the absence of a safe response or support when it occurs.

This kind of trauma often stems from disruptions in attachment and may affect a person’s sense of safety, trust, self-worth, belonging, or loyalty.

When this safety is betrayed or absent, the wound becomes imprinted in the body, the emotional memory, and in the way we relate to others.

How does relational trauma show up?

The signs of relational trauma vary from one person to another, but common manifestations include:

• Difficulty trusting or opening up to others

• Insecure attachment (anxious, avoidant, or disorganized)

• Repeating painful or toxic relational patterns

• Isolation or surrounding oneself with unsafe people

• Hypervigilance, withdrawal, fear of abandonment (often unconscious)

• Psychosomatic symptoms (chronic tension, pain, fatigue, etc.)

• Coping through overactivity or addictions (work, food, substances, shopping, etc.)

• Emotional shutdown, lethargy, avoidance

• A need for control, or conversely, a sense of losing control easily

These are not signs of weakness.

They are protective responses — intelligent survival strategies that the body instinctively created when a situation was overwhelming or threatening.

They were not consciously chosen, but they helped the person survive, function, and keep going.

The body is wise: it always chooses the best possible adaptation at the time.

And what once protected us can later be gently updated — when the environment becomes safe enough.

Why is the body central to healing?

The body carries the memory of what we’ve lived — often beyond what we can consciously remember. This is what we call somatic memory. The body speaks a sensory language: through sensations, emotions, tension, movement, breath, energy.

Even if the mind wants to move forward, the body may remain stuck in the past.

That’s why healing involves reestablishing a dialogue with the body, in a way that respects its rhythm and deep intelligence.

How can Somatic Experiencing support healing?

Somatic Experiencing (SE) is a gentle yet powerful body-based approach that directly addresses the nervous system.

It helps individuals to:

• Stabilize internal and external resources

• Return to a sense of internal safety

• Increase their capacity for emotional self-regulation

• Gradually process sensations, emotions, movements, and images related to past relational wounds.

With a stronger internal foundation, it becomes possible to face difficult experiences (e.g., breakups, divorce, loss, betrayal) without being overwhelmed.

A message of hope

Nothing is permanent. The body — like life — is in constant motion.

In yoga, we speak of impermanence — the idea that everything passes. This also means that relationships can evolve, and wounds can be repaired.

While we may not control external events, we always have power over how we move through them: with dignity, love, and awareness. And the repair? It always begins within — through the body, presence, and the reconnection to our own inner sense of safety.

In conclusion: Nothing is fixed — healing is possible

Relational trauma is not a life sentence.

It’s an invitation.

An opening.

To come home to yourself.

To feel again.

To bring movement where everything once felt frozen.

And, over time, to restore your capacity to be in relationship —

without losing yourself,

without betraying who you are.